As we age, we experience changes in every aspect of our life. Changes such as our appearance can be easier to accept. We expect this change and can observe the same changes to those around us. There are some changes, such as a decline in mobility and ability to complete activities of daily life, that can be more difficult to accept. As we age and face these declines, a higher level of care may be needed to live safely and comfortably. Care facilities such as assisted livings or long-term care facilities may be needed to maintain dignity and safety.
Moving to a long-term care facility can be a change in an individual’s life and unexpected for some. A nursing facility can be interpreted as an institutional setting rather than a community setting. For some, it may feel like their life is ending or over. To some, moving into a long-term care facility feels like their last stop rather than the next chapter of their life. Grief can be a common experience for those admitting to a long-term care facility.
Grief is the experience of coping with loss. Typically, we imagine grief in relation to the passing of a loved one but grief can be experienced with major disruptions or challenges. Interruptions in our daily “normalcy” can result in grief. Residents in long term care facilities face the grief process when looking back on their youth, their prior abilities, their limits, their community, their home, and even a loss of connection. Grief is not a simple thing nor is it uniform. During grief you have days where you feel you are making progress and then can have a day that all those feelings of progress disappear.
The grief process is considered to have five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Denial, the refusal to admit the truth. Denial can be a love done not accepting their limits, insisting they can still be independent despite the inherent safety risks. Denial can be the caregiver, refusing to accept this new reality of aging and the inability to be everything all at once. Anger, a common feeling, can be found in many different ways. Anger at loved ones for the placement, anger at their selves for actions that may have resulted in the need for long term care, or even general anger for circumstances out of their control. Bargaining is the attempt at negotiation or compromises to feel better about the outcome. Bargaining can look like acknowledging the long-term care placement and trying to make good of what feels like a bad situation. Depression, a repeated sentiment for unexpected major changes. Depression can look like isolation, tearfulness, sadness, and even emotional detachment. Often, depression in long term care can look like remaining in their room and refusing to interact with others, feeling a lack of motivation to go about their days. The most important stage of grief is acceptance. Acceptance can be seen as an understanding of their abilities and limitations. Some residents recount their experience with acceptance as the long-term care facility being a new chapter in their life and a new opportunity to be a part of a community. Sometimes residents need assistance to reaching acceptance.
If a loved one is experiencing grief, how can you help? To start, there is no shame in talking to a mental health professional. These professionals have tools to navigate feelings and changes. In the facility, a welcoming committee filled with staff, residents, and family members can often help a community feel like home. Human beings are social creatures and relationships are important for well-being. Connections with others are the foundation for coping with difficult times and building resilience. The idea of leaning on others and not feeling alone during a difficult transition can often help individuals experiencing the long-term care transition and help them cope when intense feelings arise. Encourage your loved one to make friends and join activities. Attend with them or see if a staff member can help facilitate connections. Show up as a supportive and loving figure. Visit with activities and snacks. Offer your presence and keep them updated on your life. The best, and easiest, thing you can do for a loved one moving into a long-term care facility is to show up for them.
