As the winter holidays approach, and I watch people decorate their homes and plan their celebrations together, I have been thinking a lot about the meaning of community.
Community includes neighbors you might know and love already, but also people who just moved in and people down the block whose loud parties or parking habits bother you. And yes – even the neighbors whose political yard signs annoy you.
In a small town like ours, the connections we have to each other are deeply important. But I would argue the differences we tolerate and work through are even more foundational to our well-being. But how do we stay connected locally, when the national conversation encourages us to see those with different political opinions as anything from foolish to ignorant or even racist? Is there a way to resist these narratives? And should we?
My own position is that yes, of course we should. It is easy to love people who are similar to us, but something else entirely to practice patience and learn to understand those who are different. Yes, even if you believe their politics are rooted in a lack of common sense or something worse like racism or misogyny.
I have been talking lately with many people who are on the opposite side of my own political beliefs. And the rewards are enormous. It’s complicated because we don’t often share similar vocabularies and we have to find ways to disagree without being disagreeable. (Not always easy!)
But, as many of you know, I have felt a sadness at the partisan divide in our country for years now. And working to understand other perspectives helps me feel some control over that sadness. It helps me regain that sense of connection that seems to have slipped away from us all, over the last decade or so.
I’ve found that the effort to listen and understand earns a feeling of closeness and connection that is rare and special. We build strength and resiliency in our relationships by tending to the misunderstandings and differences rather than ignoring them.
I know I am not the only one looking for ways to bridge the divide and reconnect.
We know that true community is all about strengthening our bonds across disparate groups. It is in that very “working through differences” that we earn the feeling of closeness and connection.
There are several newsletters, podcasts, and websites that assist with this goal. For those of you who are interested, I would encourage you to look at the following websites:
• www.readtangle.com
• www.unbiasedscipod.com
• www.nga.org/disagree-better
While the rest of our country divides itself into blue and red camps, I will never stop asking us to consider if we can do better than that. And of course, I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but I can tell you this – I don’t trust black and white narratives, and the simple stories that come out of the national media just don’t resonate with me. I know people are more complicated than the evil villains we see in movies or political ads. I am more interested in getting to know my neighbor than judging them for their yard sign.
Wishing you joyful and peaceful winter holidays.
